Maybe we never really leave the playground
My favourite thing about being a kid in the playground was that for 1 hour you got to run around freely thinking of nothing else except how best to have fun. Playing ‘stuck in the mud’, swapping snacks in our lunchboxes and praying that the teacher would forget to ring the bell and make us come inside.
I have a distinct memory of sneaking a chocolate digestive out of the house when my Mum wasn’t looking, wrapping it up in a tissue so none of the teachers would see, and then getting it out in the playground at break time. I’d split it into four so me and my best mates could each secretly have a quarter of the biscuit. Eating chocolate in the playground during break. It was groundbreaking. We felt like we had truly cracked the system !!
Once you get older, there are no more playgrounds. You could probably spend an hour on your lunch break playing ‘tag’ with your mates, but you would probably (deservedly) get some pretty weird looks. But the funny thing is that as we age, the act of pretending doesn’t cease. It just transforms into something more exhausting. Instead of pretending to be a Disney princess or Batman, you are now expected to pretend you have it all together. To pretend you know what you’re doing, and that you belong in the room you find yourself in. It’s an unspoken social rule that we are all bound by. And it comes with a certain irony, because the older you get, the more you look around and realise that nobody actually seems to know what they’re doing. We’re all playing the same game of make-believe.
Through every stage of life: new school, new job, new city, new country, new level of relative life success - I felt like an imposter. How did I make it here? The negative inner-voice that inevitably starts spiralling with thoughts of: I’m probably not good enough and I’m probably the only one feeling like this. Let’s hope no one questions me because they’ll realise that I really shouldn’t be here and I’ll be exposed. But slowly the more you talk to people, you find this to be a universally understood and relatable feeling. So why then, is it expected that we just continue with this absurd myth that everyone has it together? I don’t have the answer, so for now let’s just say… society or something.
My new song Playground is a slightly cynical, tongue-in-cheek exploration of this idea and it gently mocks how we technically leave the playground as adults - but that doesn’t stop us acting like big kids. As a performer, I find the act of performing very interesting. Especially online. On social media we are all performing publicly, for people to see. Everyone’s curating the version of themselves that looks most successful and most ‘happy’.
"All I wanted was an explanation
For why I’m always seeking online strangers validation"
This lyric isn’t some groundbreaking new idea. Most people are aware that social media is an illusion, but yet, we just continue pretending. This isn’t some phenomenon of our time either. It’s always tempting to think the time you live in is unique, but there are always links to the past if you look for them. All you have to do is watch any period drama or read a Jane Austen novel to see how performatism is just part of the human experience. The platforms have changed, but the basic human urge to be liked, admired, accepted and perceived in a certain way hasn’t. My song Playground is just calling it out for what it is.. and poking a little fun at it.
"Good girl gone mad i’m ready to attack
I’m gonna get into your head until you love me back
Witchy voodoo
I put a spell on you
I’m gonna get into your head until you love me too"
I often write lyrics and don’t know what I actually meant until much later on. It’s difficult to explain, but it’s almost like I innately know what I mean before my brain catches up. This chorus is one such case of this. It’s a little bit child-like, a little bit delusional, and it’s begging for validation: to be loved in return. I feel like this sums up the age of social media pretty well.
"Merry-go-round
On a comedown
It gets so loud
In the playground"
I really like the juxtaposition of a merry-go-round which is such a happy, fun place for kids and a comedown which is what you get as an adult after being on a night out that you probably shouldn’t have been on. And also the general life comedown you get when you leave your teenage years and realise that a lot of what you were told as a kid about how life would be has turned out to be bullsh*t.
I don’t think we ever really leave the playground. We just get better at hiding it.
Playground is out now wherever you listen to your music.
And remember to go easy on yourself… everyone else is making it up too.
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